In Buddhist philosophy there is a well known concept relating to the paradox of acceptance. It states that when we accept things as they are, oftentimes challenging things that we don’t really want to accept, it is then and only then that they can change.
Mother’s Day of 2019 I took myself on a brief retreat from my wifely and motherly duties of care giving, planning, taxiing, and remembering all of the things.
While I was away I spent most of my time writing. I tinkered with a few different pieces of writing and I ultimately ended up completing one of them that seemed to pour right out of me.
Due to the timing of the retreat, my thoughts were directed toward the topic of motherhood and the paper was about my mom, and our incredibly complex relationship. The mother-daughter relationship truly is the most complex of all relationships due to the many forces that come to bear. A few of which are:
- the mother’s expectations of who her daughter is
- the mother’s expectations of how her daughter should behave
- the mother’s abilities (to be intimate, to communicate, to be flexible with the above expectations)
- the mother’s experiences with her own mother and mother-wound
- all of the above apply to the daughter as well
That said, here is the piece I wrote, now available on The Dead Mule School for Southern Literature. It is a snippet of my own experience.
I’d love to hear if it resonates, or not, for you.